UNITY QUEST Identifying Your Ego
Identifying Your Ego
There is one thing all egos have in common: they don’t want you to get too close to them. Our egos are masters of illusion. We have been asked numerous questions on how to identify when your ego is in control. You have to be able to identify your ego before you can dislodge it from it’s central place in your life.
In psychoanalysis, Ego is described as the division of the psyche that is conscious, most immediately controls thought and behavior, and is most in touch with external reality. Indications of a “big Ego” are an exaggerated sense of self-importance; conceit and pride in oneself; unwarranted self-esteem. While a generic definition of the Ego is helpful, it tends to take different shapes and forms in each individual.
The first step on the path to evolving your state of consciousness is to recognize the form your own ego takes. Without this recognition, no progress is possible - as the maxim goes before you can solve a problem you need to recognize the problem. Identifying the form of your Ego requires you to look inwards not outwards, a capability we have to consciously cultivate. Remember, the only way out is in!
There are various approaches to identifying the form of your own ego ranging from self-reflection to guided psychotherapy sessions to retreats. We discuss a few simple approaches below that can help you get started with the process.
1. Personality traits when taken to extremes often become the formative elements of your ego. Strong will and intelligence can easily lead to the shadow side of control, manipulation and judgment. The ability to emotionally detach from situations can guide you to the shadow side of inability to trust others. The incapacity to give and receive love can escort you to the shadow side of hate, anger and self loathing. The tendency to hold fast to static positions, whether the purpose be to safeguard possessions in the world, to defend a system of thought or to cling to fixed values is another strong indication of being motivated by fear/loss and resistance to change. Take a piece of paper and articulate your personality traits and then objectively ask yourself which traits have become the formative elements of your own ego.
2. Another simple way to identify the specific form your ego takes is to contemplate your identification with external things. The ego wants you to believe that you are only something based on a value put on the external. Your possessions, job, social status and family role are some key dimensions of the external. Your Ego wants you to identify yourself with these things in order to feel whole. If you tend to describe yourself as an executive, a doctor, an engineer, a nurse, a policeman, an environmentalist etc then your ego is strongly associated with your profession. You may tend to describe yourself as a father or mother, a Christian, Buddhist or Muslim, etc., perhaps indicating that your ego is strongly associated with your family role or social status respectively. Pay attention to how you describe yourself when you introduce yourself to new acquaintances. Have a close friend tell you how you introduce or portray yourself to others in different situations. You might be very surprised to hear yourself.
3. Your physical posture and style of breathing also provides important clues to the form of your ego. According to Karlfried Graf Durckheim “Rigidity in our posture is an indication of excessive self will and persistent self control. The ingrained bad posture of many people is caused by shifting the center of gravity too far upwards. This can be seen in those who are dominated by the habit – chest out, belly in, where the drawing up of shoulders is a sign of tension. This often is a sign of arrogance and overemphasis of one’s own person. Such a posture is the defensive and protective mechanism of the person who seeks above all to safeguard the ego and to hold secure its position in the world. Shallow exhalation in breathing is often a mistrust of both life and yourself.” Look in the mirror at your own posture, how do you stand, how do you sit? Pay attention to your breath, count the inhalations and exhalations, is it deep and regular or is it shallow?
Put it all together on a single piece of paper, what do you see? It is often easier for others to identify the form of your ego than for you to do so. Share what you see as your ego with those close to you. Compare and contrast their description with your own assessment. The picture of your ego now begins to appear…
Categories: Conversation with the Authors
Tags: Tolle Lane Michel mind-made ego identifying ego personality Ego Anik Bose
Hello Anik:
It is with interest I read and re-read many of your thoughts and comments by others on EGO.
The question, which perhaps, is more relevant, is “what is the path towards bliss or higher awareness towards our Happiness?” or if one is so bold as to say “I am on the path to enlightenment”!
Because if you plan to produce sugar from sugarcane, then molasses is an automatic by-product. Meaning: if one is willing and able to proceed on the sharp and narrow path towards enlightenment (bliss/nirvana), then the questions and definitions etc. of “ego” will automatically be addressed and resolved. No need to focus entirely on ego.
So let us start with the answer to the question of what is the purpose of life? The answer that suits me is, “ To be fully liberated. Not to be born again!” If answers are to be happy or to be in bliss then these too are sufficient answers.
If that is the case, then we have to study the path/road map.
It is made of three basic parts, keeping in mind that the base camp is “wholesome” not evil or bad or unwholesome:
1. Moral conduct.
2. Concentration.
3. Wisdom.
Moral conduct is specific and necessary if we wish to start on the “path” (and answer the Ego question). Why? Because it establishes control lines that enable us to walk without falling off the edges – like hand rails/ropes/guide posts while climbing stairs or climbing mountains. What are these guide posts:
a) Do not steal – do not take what is not yours.
b) Do not tell lies.
c) Do not kill.
d) Do not commit sexual misconduct.
e) Do not get intoxicated – alcohol, drugs etc.
For more serious followers two more:
f) No meals after mid day.
g) Do not sleep on high and luxurious beds.
For even more serious followers, there a few more rules but for our discussion the above will suffice as we are dealing with folks who do wish to live in the “conventional” world or are householders, not monks/nuns!
Concentration is that part of the path where we start steadying the mind; trying to establish the ability to focus and enhance the faculty of awareness. It is important to remember that the above moral conduct goes hand in hand with concentration. There are some “schools” that tend to separate the two. This is not applicable for our stated purpose.
Wisdom is then “experienced” as we cultivate Concentration.
The above is a very brief outline of the path towards the elimination of ego and attainment of Bliss/enlightenment/nirvana.
The path is so clear and sharp with no mumbo jumbo or esoteric phenomenon. It is logical, scientific and beautiful.
Of course, further discourse is open….
I conclude with homage to the Worthy One, the Blessed One the perfectly Enlightened One!
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Navi, thanks for the thoughtful blog. I agree with you wholeheartedly - if one follows the path prescribed by the Buddha it will lead to enlightenment. But this pre-supposes that most individuals in the US society:
1. Have discerned that there is a deeper purpose to their life (One that stretches beyond seeking fulfillment via social and family status/relationships, professional roles and or material pursuits)
2. Can embrace a path like the one the Buddha articulated which is required to develop the critical awareness needed to reorient their lives and walk the path
3. Have the self discipline to internalize and walk the path minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day
Unity Quest was based on our own life experience in the US. We found that neither of us had become aware of our deeper purpose (till we had reached our early forties), let alone embraced a path! The biggest obstacle that had stood in our way to step 1 above was the dominance of our own ego (that had been shaped and strengthened by our professional careers).
As you are aware people often take different paths on their way to wisdom and spiritual development. Some find it through faith, others through a teacher or teachings and some through a process of deep self reflection. From your blog it sounds like you have found yours through the teachings of the Buddha. We discovered our path through a process of self reflection that required us to identify, face and begin working on overcoming our egos – a pre-requisite to walking the path. Through our careers in Silicon Valley we met many individuals who had fallen into the very same trap as us. So the purpose of our focus on the Ego was not to create a new methodology or path to enlightenment (all this knowledge already exists) but only to share our experiences on this approach with individuals like ourselves who are struggling with the first step.
As the Buddha taught even his teachings are simply a vessel that is used to cross from one shore to another and discarded once the journey back to the Source is completed. Namaste…
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